Seems Trump Judges are tired of being viewed as ridiculous hacks, Mike Lindell’s Trump Judge Edition!

Last week, the FBI confiscated Pillow Fluffer Mike Lindell’s cell phone while driving through a Hardee’s in Mankato, Minnesota. Either that or all the wine we’ve been drinking getting through the Trump administration is finally catching up to us.

However, the pillow man won’t take it! Although if he ever comes down, at least he’ll have a place to rest his mad head. After stopping by Steve Bannon’s podcast to screech into the airwaves that the FBI was now the Gestapo, Lindell called his mad legal team to see what could be done about it.

The Lindell Brain Trust consists of: Minnesota attorney Andrew Parker, who is representing Lindell in his pending case against the January 6 House Special Committee; Big Lie attorney Kurt Olsen, who is recognized by his New York firm for his role in Texas Attorney General Ken Paxton’s efforts to persuade the Supreme Court to refuse electoral votes from seven swing states and for spamming DOJ leadership in an attempt to to convince her she was emasculated to join a similar grievance; and Alan Dershowitz.

So you know this shit is gonna be AMAZING.

On Tuesday, the team sued Attorney General Merrick Garland in a Minnesota federal court, demanding that the court find that the government violated Lindell’s First, Fourth, Fifth and Sixth Amendment rights. In its narrative, the FBI was only trying to quash its First Amendment right to spend all its time and money suffering a very public nervous breakdown centered around the illusion that the 2020 election was being controlled by Chinese agents over Bluetooth -Thermostats and “packet captures” were stolen. He also thinks the agents must have put a tracking device on his car, otherwise how could they have tracked him down at the Hardees, HMMM?

Yesterday, the dream team filed an urgent request for an injunction that was every bit as compelling as the original complaint.

Mr. Lindell’s efforts to expose and raise public awareness of voter fraud and the inherent dangers to our elections and our republic through the use of black-box computerized voting machines are well known to the Government. The purpose of the warrant to search and seize Mr. Lindell’s cell phone was not just to gain access to a vast amount of data collected on that cell phone, including attorney-client communications and communications with other individuals protected by the First Amendment but also to send a message to others not to speak out on these issues.

They also allege that the prosecutors must have broken the law by failing to notify the magistrate judge who issued the warrant of Lindell’s sacred work aimed at “preserving” the integrity of the American election. . There’s no citation for either, so we’ll just assume they come from the receptors in Lindell’s fillings.

His lawyers also secured a copy of the warrant, which we don’t link to because it didn’t redact his cell phone number or the last four digits of his social security number. Damn galaxy brains!

Lindell complained to Bannon that agents had questioned him about Tina Peters, the currently indicted Colorado poll worker, after she created a government ID for contract employment and then used it to intimidate a pro surfer-turned-campaign infiltrate to copy their district’s Dominion voting machines and observe a limited update by the company’s staff. Lindell reportedly hid Peters in a safe house prior to her arrest and at times claimed to have contributed $800,000 to Peters’ legal defense, but this week he told the New York Times that he expressed himself incorrectly. “I financed everything back then,” he says. “I thought I funded hers, too.”

In his complaint, he howled that the agents did not mirandize him during this discussion but, as the search warrant makes clear, they sought any paper or electronic documents related to Peters and her shenanigans. This probably means that the alleged interrogation was not so much a police interrogation as a means of serving the arrest warrant. In any case, Our Mike won’t make them look too harsh, since he’s included a couple of documents that purport to be forensic analyzes of Mesa County’s voting machines. Presumably this would be the very evidence of a breach that the agents were looking for, so… good work guys.

If the plan was to show Trump-appointed US District Judge Eric Tostrud that Lindell was on the side of angels and thus immune from the federal rules of civil and criminal trial, then he seems to have missed the mark. Big.

“The plaintiffs’ request for an ex parte injunction ordering the defendants to refrain from accessing the seized cellphone or to take any action pending a hearing on this aspect of their request for an injunction is denied for three reasons,” said Judge Tostrud wrote today. And those three reasons are that Lindell and his attorneys are fucking idiots and this is not Fort Pierce, Fla., home of US District Judge Aileen Cannon.

OK, he didn’t say it exactly like that. But more or less.

Although plaintiffs cite Code 41(g) of Federal Criminal Procedure as the basis for their motion, plaintiffs do not discuss the rule or cite any authority that might explain why returning the cellphone under the rule is appropriate. To make it clear, plaintiffs cite rule 41(g) in their motion and in the heading and introductory paragraph of their memorandum. But that’s it.

Rule 41(g) is not mentioned in the remainder of Plaintiffs’ 18-page memorandum. See general Pls. ‘ Store In Supp. [ECF No. 10]. In the absence of an obvious answer that Rule 41(g) requires the return of the cell phone, it would be an overstatement to grant relief under that rule if the parties to the move do not explain anywhere how the rule’s procedural framework and substantive standards support the request.

(3) Whether Rule 41(g) requires the return of the mobile phone is not obvious, and that is an understatement.


In plain English, Judge Tostrud said that while Judge Cannon might be willing to correct a lack of facial expression and magical realism herself into jurisdiction for something she doesn’t have to hear, he has no interest in being absolutely under pressure from the Eighth Circuit to be set. So unless these fools can think of anything more than DEEP STATE MURDERS PILLOW FREAK WITH WARRANT, they’re out of luck.

Oh, 2022, you are so crazy!

open thread!

[Lindell v. USA]

consequences Liz Dye on twitter!

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